(and a rumor or two)
Beatrice is the Baudelaires' mother.*
Evidence: In the letter supposedly
from the Duchess of Winnipeg in TUAB, she says, Beatrice, of
course, is far past complaining about lost possessionsthe very reason,
I am certain, that you have dedicated your life to researching the lives
of those three poor children.
Also, Esmé Squalor has a grudge against Beatrice, and she's taking it
out on the Baudelaires.
know this isn't news to most of you, but I figured I might as well get
it out of the way.
Quigley Quagmire is alive.
Evidence: In the index for
TUAB, it says, overboard, 109-111. See also Quagmire,
Quigley. To me, that definitely indicates there's something
we don't know about what happened to the third Quagmire
109-111 are a letter about the Prospero, a word which here means
a ship that assists V.F.D. members whenever circumstances
require, and a map of the ship. The letter is addressed,
Dear Sir, and I think they're talking to Lem here, but I
can't be sure. It might have been Quigley. And even
if that particular letter was to Lem, we also know that the couple who own the Prospero helped out with
the Incredibly Deadly Viper, so why should one triplet be a problem?
Geraldine Julienne is a member of V.F.D.
Evidence: I'm probably wrong
here, but think about it. She's wherever the Baudelaires go these
days and she makes things a lot worse for them. The scary part is,
I don't know what side she's on.
V.F.D. stands for Volunteer Fire Department.
Evidence: I will now present a
partial list of the references to fire and smoke in the series.
Baudelaire and Quagmire mansions, the Caligari Carnival, and the
Valorous Farms Dairy all burned to the
ground. Mr. Poe mentions the fire department coming to the
Bauds' mansion. Maybe
it was a Volunteer Fire Department… but that's speculation.
It shall be stricken from the record.
Duchess of Winnipeg's mansion may or may not have burned
down since the letter (TUAB, pg. 25-29) was not actually
pg. 39: …in order to make sure that the world remains, as we
say, quiet. K: And
pg. 52: As you can see, the subject seems physically adept
enough, and has an admirable desire to
protect himself against possible fire.
pg. 60 (where Lem is thinking of titles for a book about his own
The Story of a Man, a Woman, and Several
YOU SMELL SMOKE?
The Story of Lemony Snicket
pg. 84: (the Sebald code) Hello.
If you are alive, do not come here. The count will burn
you and Beatrice. Stay
pg. 97: Someday, perhaps, the world will indeed be quiet once
more, but until the fires have been
extinguished we must go our separate ways and risk our
pg. 159: These pages hold some of the most crucial secrets in
this sad and flammable
p. 158: 'Some people are like those lions Olaf brought here,'
Olivia said. 'They
start off being good people, but before they know it, they've become
something else. Those
lions used to be noble creatures.
A friend of mine trained them to
smell smoke, which was very helpful in our work.
But now Count Olaf is denying them food, and hitting
them with his whip, and tomorrow they'll probably devour one of the
freaks. The world is a
that doesn't convince you that there's a 99.9% chance that the
F in V.F.D. stands for Fire, I don't know what
will, unless you haven't seen the picture in the V.F.D. section yet.
and rumors about upcoming books
The Slippery Slope will be
coming out either September 23 (if you believe Barnes and Noble) or
October 28 (if you believe Amazon.)
title for Book the Eleventh or Twelfth: The Grim Gameroom.
titles for Book the Thirteenth: The Vicious Victory, The
Fearsome Finale, and The Final Fight.
am officially starting a rumor of my own: Book the Thirteenth is coming
out Friday, October 13, 2006. You heard it here first.